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August 2008 
Lars...and the Real Girl
Posted on Aug 24th, 2008
by 
Stella Luna
Stella Luna
As always I am most interested in the reasons people do things, not so much in what people do, and as I watch (for the third time) the movie from which this essay gets its title, I am struck by a notion.
Lars believes he can find fulfillment in an unreal connection that he has created with an inanimate object that looks like a real person. Similarly, we often create attatchments to things that are alot less obvious to the observer as out of the ordinary, but still is not what we actually need to fulfill us. How many times have I dove into work, spending 60+ hours working, and the rest of the time sleeping, just so I wont have to figure out another way to occupy my time? How many opportunities for connecting with someone new have I turned down because "I dont have time for a relationship I have to work"? How many men do I know that go from girl to girl believing that the next one will be the one every time, without taking a second to think perhaps he isnt the man? How many times have I distracted myself with emotions: excitement, guilt, fear, loathing, jealousy, anger, and happiness, without realizing that was one rollercoaster that I didnt have to get on? Probably more than I can count...but it also shows me something else...
Lars lives in a small town where people know everone...granted, it may be an extraordinary small town, where people care an inordinate amount for eachother, but it is supposed to be a small town like any other across this country. In this small town everyone decides that they are going to go along with Lars' fantasy woman, believing for him beyond even what he himself wants to believe, turning this plastic sex doll into an actual person who feels and thinks and wants differently than Lars....
What occurs to me is that the townspeople love Lars enough to give him a reality to compare his fantasy to. He believes this doll will fullfill his emotional need, but when the townspeople start to treat her the way that any real person would expect to be treated, they show Lars his crutch, not in a hurtful sarcastic way, but in a loving caring way. As if to show him (because he cannot hear them no matter how loud they shout) through actions, that the real bond between humans is more than any imagination can create. It is a bond that involves things that no one can account for. A bond that cannot be predicted or dictated just because you will it to be so.
The bond between two or more REAL people has more depth and waves of perception than any imaginary bond we can think of mainly for the reason that we cannot possibly account for the thoughts, feelings ans actions that another person will contribute to our own energy.
Sexual offenders ( I only bring up these people with disorders because I took a class in college about sex offenses and offenders and so therefore I think Im some sort of expert, but also because I have no other information about other less offensive disorders people have at the moment Im writing this, and it does need to get written now) also have a disorder, but their's is a lot closer to insanity; ie, doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result is insane. They have this ideal of a fantasy that they continually try to create (I wish I had the citing that I took this from), but because each real circumstance that happens never actually meets up with the fantasy, the sexual offender searches for another victim that may live up to his or her fantasy; ie, fulfilling his obligation to the definition of insanity.
The reason that a sexual offender will continually be dissappointed, or the reason Lars (who is not a sexual offender, but does have a disorder) does not end up forever with a plastic girl, or anyone who is seeking to live out their fantasy in reality will be incapable of it, is because when another person's will besides our own is added to the equation, the situation becomes unpredictable and therefore, uncontrollable (to some extent). We must play each moment by that specific moment and at times will fail because we bring in predetermined convictions that do not in the least reflect the reality of the situation, at other times, the situation will exceed our expectations, bringing us to realizations above and beyond our own imagination.
Lets go back to Lars. Bianca (the adult sex doll that Lars purchased) is a part of Lars. Before your mind goes straight into the gutter, this is a PG-13 movie, and the most Lars ever does (in an anticlamactic moment) is kiss her goodbye. Back on track, Bianca becomes a conduit for Lars to express himself to his brother, his sister-in-law, his peers and his circle. Bianca is a crutch. In Lars' defense, at least he chose an inanimate object to be his crutch and not a real person. Because his mother died when she was giving birth to Lars, he was so afraid of hurting someone in anyway that he sought to bring to life something he could never hurt: Bianca, and thus revealing to others his very real need and and very real inability to deal with human affection.
I guess that got me to thinking how lucky Lars was to live in that town. So far in my experience in this city of NY, the "small town" that I live in is a little harder to define. People are less willing to go along with your little shenanigans and will let you roll yourself into a ball and retreat to the safety of your own world. They will let you "dissappear into your delusions" because there will always be another person to distract them, there will be someone who (in their mind, though Im not really sure how true it actually is) will not need so much work to get back to a more acceptable reality.
In this city you have to be strong enough to discover for yourself your own delusional fantasies, and hold strong to the fact that there are people, in fact a whole universe that loves you. In this city you are not so easily reminded that people would pretend for your sake to see what you desire them to see.
I guess what Im saying, and what Lars and The Real Girl showed me, is you have to hold on to the people who are willing to hold up the mirror, and are also willing to open their arms, because they aren't a dime a dozen, they are infinitely more patient then you give them credit for, and they do love you.
Lars believes he can find fulfillment in an unreal connection that he has created with an inanimate object that looks like a real person. Similarly, we often create attatchments to things that are alot less obvious to the observer as out of the ordinary, but still is not what we actually need to fulfill us. How many times have I dove into work, spending 60+ hours working, and the rest of the time sleeping, just so I wont have to figure out another way to occupy my time? How many opportunities for connecting with someone new have I turned down because "I dont have time for a relationship I have to work"? How many men do I know that go from girl to girl believing that the next one will be the one every time, without taking a second to think perhaps he isnt the man? How many times have I distracted myself with emotions: excitement, guilt, fear, loathing, jealousy, anger, and happiness, without realizing that was one rollercoaster that I didnt have to get on? Probably more than I can count...but it also shows me something else...
Lars lives in a small town where people know everone...granted, it may be an extraordinary small town, where people care an inordinate amount for eachother, but it is supposed to be a small town like any other across this country. In this small town everyone decides that they are going to go along with Lars' fantasy woman, believing for him beyond even what he himself wants to believe, turning this plastic sex doll into an actual person who feels and thinks and wants differently than Lars....
What occurs to me is that the townspeople love Lars enough to give him a reality to compare his fantasy to. He believes this doll will fullfill his emotional need, but when the townspeople start to treat her the way that any real person would expect to be treated, they show Lars his crutch, not in a hurtful sarcastic way, but in a loving caring way. As if to show him (because he cannot hear them no matter how loud they shout) through actions, that the real bond between humans is more than any imagination can create. It is a bond that involves things that no one can account for. A bond that cannot be predicted or dictated just because you will it to be so.
The bond between two or more REAL people has more depth and waves of perception than any imaginary bond we can think of mainly for the reason that we cannot possibly account for the thoughts, feelings ans actions that another person will contribute to our own energy.
Sexual offenders ( I only bring up these people with disorders because I took a class in college about sex offenses and offenders and so therefore I think Im some sort of expert, but also because I have no other information about other less offensive disorders people have at the moment Im writing this, and it does need to get written now) also have a disorder, but their's is a lot closer to insanity; ie, doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result is insane. They have this ideal of a fantasy that they continually try to create (I wish I had the citing that I took this from), but because each real circumstance that happens never actually meets up with the fantasy, the sexual offender searches for another victim that may live up to his or her fantasy; ie, fulfilling his obligation to the definition of insanity.
The reason that a sexual offender will continually be dissappointed, or the reason Lars (who is not a sexual offender, but does have a disorder) does not end up forever with a plastic girl, or anyone who is seeking to live out their fantasy in reality will be incapable of it, is because when another person's will besides our own is added to the equation, the situation becomes unpredictable and therefore, uncontrollable (to some extent). We must play each moment by that specific moment and at times will fail because we bring in predetermined convictions that do not in the least reflect the reality of the situation, at other times, the situation will exceed our expectations, bringing us to realizations above and beyond our own imagination.
Lets go back to Lars. Bianca (the adult sex doll that Lars purchased) is a part of Lars. Before your mind goes straight into the gutter, this is a PG-13 movie, and the most Lars ever does (in an anticlamactic moment) is kiss her goodbye. Back on track, Bianca becomes a conduit for Lars to express himself to his brother, his sister-in-law, his peers and his circle. Bianca is a crutch. In Lars' defense, at least he chose an inanimate object to be his crutch and not a real person. Because his mother died when she was giving birth to Lars, he was so afraid of hurting someone in anyway that he sought to bring to life something he could never hurt: Bianca, and thus revealing to others his very real need and and very real inability to deal with human affection.
I guess that got me to thinking how lucky Lars was to live in that town. So far in my experience in this city of NY, the "small town" that I live in is a little harder to define. People are less willing to go along with your little shenanigans and will let you roll yourself into a ball and retreat to the safety of your own world. They will let you "dissappear into your delusions" because there will always be another person to distract them, there will be someone who (in their mind, though Im not really sure how true it actually is) will not need so much work to get back to a more acceptable reality.
In this city you have to be strong enough to discover for yourself your own delusional fantasies, and hold strong to the fact that there are people, in fact a whole universe that loves you. In this city you are not so easily reminded that people would pretend for your sake to see what you desire them to see.
I guess what Im saying, and what Lars and The Real Girl showed me, is you have to hold on to the people who are willing to hold up the mirror, and are also willing to open their arms, because they aren't a dime a dozen, they are infinitely more patient then you give them credit for, and they do love you.
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