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love
August 2008 
Confliction
Stella Luna
the calm of the storm is on me, "two paths diverge in a yellow wood"
before me a choice, though my preference seems evident
to those that are witness.
Confliction between the orbs, like laughter at childhood imperfections
play in the background, in the foreground, in the sun colored leaves.
A premonition fulfilled, at least half way, and I know what comes next
its not the happy outcome of "ever after", but a crash and burn of desires opposing.
do I sit and wait for the inevitable intrusion, the need for an exclusion to be made
or make it impossible for such a collision, avoiding cleaning up the debree?
In all my days one thing is clear-that no matter what I choose, the outcome will
be that of the almighty whose plan cannot be changed, cannot be wrong.
So how can I know that my story is not yet over? How can I know this love is not true?
When it hasnt lived up to the expectations of yesterday, but blows away those of tommorrow?
Confliction. Underwhelming, no action to be made, no difference to be changed
Just sit and let things play out, as true love will make things clear, and others dissappear.
The confliction is only in the perspective that creates the impression of the truth in this minds eye...and as intuitive as this eye is, its faulty, but now, safe: enfolded in the love
of one who would not allow my knees to hit the ground when I trip, but throw his body underneath my own if the need arose to obtain the injury meant for me.
What safety is not preceded by immense caution?
Access: Public
“just sit and let things play out”
good luck sitting during this period! :)
yeah…thats something I was never good at…I always act. Though I think at times, it is life teaching me patience.
So, I will exhaust myself in my immobility, because it seems that is what is required since my antsiness has until now worked against me.
Thanks for the encouragement (however sarcastic =P)
You say that cleaning up the debree is something that you always hate doing but maybe that's misplaced. If you search through the rubble for salvageable things of the relationship to help you do better the next time, perhaps you will eventually compile enough junk to make a boat to sail away into the sunset with your true love by your side. I think we all find our true loves when we are ready to. we find them when we've learned what we need to in order to make that love trully true. imagine what were to happen if you got your true love right now and you messed it up because something you were supposed to learn was not learned. The whole thing goes down the drain without patience. Think of dating like carpentry. You make your first couple chairs and they fall appart. you build some more and they are stable but rikedy. you build a few more and they are stable and perfect but look like crap. after so many models and so many times of trying to make something work, you finally understand how to do it the right way for you and that's when life sends that special person your way.
LOL i just made love into a rocking chair XD
Sincerely,
Carl
A rocking chair indeed…good analogy. Thank you for that. Day by day by day….living in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow is what we all talk about. I've learned a lot lately as I am flat on the floor on my ass now more than ever in my life though I believe I have infinite potential…its just that at the moment Im cant find anyone willing to pay be just for being myself.
As far as love goes…I often write something to find that the minute after I write it is untrue(though at the moment I wrote it, it was true) and irrelevant…So I kind of struggle with whether I should keep it up or not. Any thoughts on that?
Rocking chair. Makes me happy =).
I think writing, whether it works or not is the long process of making sure your rocking cahir design is the way you want it to be so by all means, keep writing. You'll find that by figuring out what isn't right is sometimes just as important was the things that are right. writing and then disagreeing with it is active learning and furthering your situation. I for one encourage your personal growth!
Rocking along,
Carl
i love the rocking chair analogy… it’s so true. And let me know if you figure out how to get paid for being you. And I’ll do the same!
Funny how Bob commented on the “sit and let things play out” quote and then Carl brought in the chair analogy. And then you write that you’re sitting on the floor. Anyway or anywhere you do it, that sitting can be uncomfortable.
Peace and love to you in every moment.
Paid for being who youare huh? I'd say everyone has the ability to do that. If you have a positive outlook on your job and dedicate yourself to it, it becomes a part of you. Dedicating yourself to a career you really enjoy can be being paid for who you are if you accept it and love your life and the job. Find something that inspires you and persue it, sooner or later your effort and compassion will pay off in one way or another. Hope that helps my friend!
Yours,
Carl
You all rock! Thanks for the positive words! Im currently looking into a job teaching surfing, again. It would give me the most amount of money and the most flexible hours. Its funny that the job that requires almost no traditional education will pay me the most money and be the most satisfying!
This life is utterly amazing, you know that? And Im overjoyed to be part of it. much love,
and Namaste.
E
That sounds so awesome! I may have to come visit you so I can take some lessons (on my list of things to do in life).
Good luck!
nicole