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August 2008 
Hiding
Posted on Dec 3rd, 2007
by 
Stella Luna
Stella Luna
Im five years old.
Im standing on the second floor of my childhood home.
I can see out the window down onto the driveway and down the stree to the ocean that sits at the bottom. On stormy nights I can hear the waves crashing and it lulls me to sleep.
I have refused to see my father since he moved out of the house. He has come to visit, but only my sisters run to him when he knocks. I stay up in my bedroom when I know he is coming.
But today I see him down on the driveway, and a neighbor calls out to him, "Hello! How are you today, Gordon?"
"Great! Its my birthday! How are you?"
And suddenly, Im pounding my fists on the window and shouting his name.
"DADDY! DADDY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! DADDY!! LOOK UP! CANT YOU SEE ME! DADDY ITS ME! ERIKA!"
DADDY!"
But he doesnt, and I just cant imagine that I could get downstairs to him in time. Im afraid he'll leave before I get there.
So I stand looking down at him, hoping he'll look up and see me loving him trying to tell him.
But he doesnt.
And Im standing locked behind that window, forever looking down.
Im standing on the second floor of my childhood home.
I can see out the window down onto the driveway and down the stree to the ocean that sits at the bottom. On stormy nights I can hear the waves crashing and it lulls me to sleep.
I have refused to see my father since he moved out of the house. He has come to visit, but only my sisters run to him when he knocks. I stay up in my bedroom when I know he is coming.
But today I see him down on the driveway, and a neighbor calls out to him, "Hello! How are you today, Gordon?"
"Great! Its my birthday! How are you?"
And suddenly, Im pounding my fists on the window and shouting his name.
"DADDY! DADDY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! DADDY!! LOOK UP! CANT YOU SEE ME! DADDY ITS ME! ERIKA!"
DADDY!"
But he doesnt, and I just cant imagine that I could get downstairs to him in time. Im afraid he'll leave before I get there.
So I stand looking down at him, hoping he'll look up and see me loving him trying to tell him.
But he doesnt.
And Im standing locked behind that window, forever looking down.
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I had a similar dream as a child - only I was looking for my mother in a building that changed between a mall, a school, a library, an airport. When I finally saw her she was walking along at the bottom of an impossibly long set of stairs that traversed such a tremendous distance down; if I tried to run down I wouldn't have reached her in time. So I jumped.
:( I'm sorry .. consider what I wrote to have read 'i had a dream that was similar to your memory…'